I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
