You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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