She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
