john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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