Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
