it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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