You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
