What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
