Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
