also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
