So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
