My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
