My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
