Buhtt sex?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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