well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
