I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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