my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.