You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
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She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament