We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
