i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
