dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
