i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
