Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.