the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
