Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No subtext here. People are naked.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I pour the whiskey from now on
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me