When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.