Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.

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  (847): he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants. (1-847): you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him. http://tfl.nu/yg4d
  Replies (25) Good night (623) Bad night (2907)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.

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  (404): Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me. (706): Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest. http://tfl.nu/zfpy
  Replies (75) Good night (2318) Bad night (4101)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.

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  (780): i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least. http://tfl.nu/btfu
  Replies (29) Good night (882) Bad night (2457)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.

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  (204): I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back. http://tfl.nu/sbtj
  Replies (7) Good night (780) Bad night (5359)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

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  (979): if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances http://tfl.nu/ijjs
  Replies (28) Good night (7421) Bad night (1417)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.

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  (717): I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me. http://tfl.nu/9q78
  Replies (3) Good night (1010) Bad night (2559)
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  (415): View more from California

  You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.

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  (415): You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off. http://tfl.nu/eb22
  Replies (15) Good night (4876) Bad night (1951)
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  (415): View more from California

  Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila

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  (415): Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila http://tfl.nu/mhdt
  Replies (8) Good night (1895) Bad night (2524)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment

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  (314): I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment http://tfl.nu/5u6p
  Replies (11) Good night (4918) Bad night (835)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious

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  (813): I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious http://tfl.nu/g6os
  Replies (3) Good night (1679) Bad night (761)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.

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  (484): omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers. http://tfl.nu/h63v
  Replies (17) Good night (1087) Bad night (2470)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF

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  (250): some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF http://tfl.nu/zk16
  Replies (6) Good night (2088) Bad night (560)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS

  (740): View more from Ohio

  BECAUSE SCIENCE

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  (440): WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS (740): BECAUSE SCIENCE http://tfl.nu/5ndo
  Replies (9) Good night (1552) Bad night (452)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?

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  (514): Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew? http://tfl.nu/9nvu
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (604)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD

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  (505): SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD http://tfl.nu/ms1e
  Replies (1) Good night (189) Bad night (468)

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