I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.