Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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