checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
