Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
