i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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