ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dear god my vagina.
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