i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
