I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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