Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
