im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
