2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
