Only a mothe r could love this liver
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
