Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have feelings that need drinking.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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