In the future we'll all be gay
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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