Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
