I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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