Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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