dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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