he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
