I got chris browned last night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
