Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well I just put wine in my tea
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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