Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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