there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
