k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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