she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
