Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
