If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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