Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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