My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
