I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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