There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
