Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
