I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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