i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm both gender and math confused
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
