The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
