I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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