Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
