Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize