Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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