I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize