You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
