the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
