My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
