I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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