it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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