Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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