just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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