she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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