the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
