You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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