All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
