my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
