i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
