last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
