She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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