I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
