I wanna passion pit in your ass
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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