I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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