So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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