I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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