Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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