So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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