My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
