Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
