I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
