I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
