we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
